i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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