She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
