dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I die, sorry about rent.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
