You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
