Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
