There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
