Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
