She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
