No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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