I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
