I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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