oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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