I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
