I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
