I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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