I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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