oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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