is your mom at the bar?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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