Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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