I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Drunk is not a location!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
