That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
this will be a night to untag.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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