He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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