Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Alive.
So much puke
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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