I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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