i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
