I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
