We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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