good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
