I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
