My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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