Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
