so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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