She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
