So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
