that's an acceptable place to lick
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
40s are totally the cure
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
