Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
