i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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