I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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