The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
