Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
