Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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