question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
