Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
