i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
