My Higher Power is John Stamos
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
