i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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