How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
