dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
