The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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