Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
