babies were throwing up all over the place
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wear drunk well.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
