My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
